The Cockroach and the Ego

So, let’s be honest. What do we want most in life? Well, we likely want a lot of things, but if we are happy in any way, we probably would like to see this go on for a while, to have some continuity in this whole cycle. For many of us though, our inevitable death at the end of the road is definitely an obstacle.

Wouldn’t it be a pleasant thought to think that somehow the best part of our Selves might live forever? Problem is, our spiritual traditions strongly advise us against this thought. Hinduism, for example, would suggest that the destination is the starting point. All this tough struggle through life is nothing more than playing the charade of Lila, only to find that the answer is a return back to Brahma, which we were missing all along in the false hope that our tiny little self was actually somebody. Buddhism would take that to an even starker level and just say we are headed back to No Self, the non-dual void of Nirvana. And Christianity would offer us, as best case scenario, a mythological redemption that might allow the remaining cherub-like existence of our soul to reunite in paradise with the Godhead, or Christ consciousness. Perhaps that sounds slightly more palatable than No Self, but it nevertheless all these concepts end up losing any personal flavor of individuality.

Therein lies the problem: individuality. In the spiritual search, we are advised by all the great traditions that we are not seeking anything on an individual basis, and to get that crazy notion out of our head. To think that there is anything redeemable about our Self is delusion on a grand scale in the eastern religions, and nothing less than blasphemy in the monotheistic realm.

Why is the mere thought of a morsel of immortality such a heinous crime in the spiritual search? Because there is a villain out there, lurking in the shadows of our consciousness, ready to pounce when we least suspect it and take control of our search, slowly strangling our best intentions. And who is this Darth Vader of the wars between good and evil in our mind? We have often met the enemy, and it is the Ego.

Ever try to kill your ego? Come on, all of us seekers after truth have probably tried to kill the ego at some point. It’s kind of similar to killing a cockroach. While we are sitting in the dining room, perfectly poised at a formal dinner part in our home, from out of nowhere, a cockroach appears

And we try to inadvertently stand up and smash it. Except that it is never that easy. Maybe the cockroach scurries away. Maybe we actually stamp our foot on it, only to watch in amazement how this semi-squashed insect twitters, rights itself, and still scurries away. Cockroaches aren’t one of the most ancient species for nothing. Like our egos, they are experts in survival.

So, is it really worth the trouble of trying to kill these prehistoric beasts? If egos and cockroaches have been around for so long, maybe there is a reason for their existence.